In His Own Words

assembled by Jayne Cantor

You sound like choking chickens, strangled chickens, wet chickens,
Like hound dogs, barking Chihuahus, snakes on the loosssse,
Like little Tarzanas; like killer bees.
I want something DELICIOUS!

I probably shouldn't fuss at you so soon, but I'm going to!
If I hear that S again, I'm going to SIT on you!
Shame ball over you,
If you show me ugly, I'll show you ugly right back.

Don't hiccup the pick-up, no Yo Ho Ho.
No Doppler effect on the very first note.
Let's get off the Jolly Roger,
And please, don't ride the camel.

This is a GLORIOUS moment!
Heads up, chins up, ready to sing your little fannies out!
No hysteria; no bouncing heads;
Feel happy and warm; feel like you're in your pajamas.

This is particularly the part where you can't be from Texas
Annie Oakley, get your gun;
It wasn't hot dogs and beans at the feast
You must portray the words! Sturgeon! Yum.

I can only tolerate a certain level of disintegration,
Please do not go out of body here.
This is lovely; there's not a more lovely thing written,
But, it don't sound so lovely yet!

Do I want a dotted 8th? I don't know,
That question is like a dust ball on the Titanic.
Don't sound like someone's pulling an owl by the tail.
Look at me! I see roots when I want to see eyes!

Hmm, creative sound, but we're not unanimous,
Woody woodpecker ain't pecking together.
It's one Milky Way bar, you can't have it in pieces,
And the syncopation is like the new white meat.

Sopranos, please join me in singing your part,
You can't take a lunch break in the middle of sustained notes.
Altos, you're BORING (yawn),
You took a vacation and there ain't no time for a vacation.

Tenors, is there a mosquito singing your part?
Basses, you sound like Yogi Bear, with mashed potatoes!
You have to think before you sing,
Don't make me struggle like that.

I stopped you 'cause you were GOOD!
It's really improved... but somewhat elusive,
Flat and late, but better. There are glimmers of hope.
This was the day this chorus was clean. Remember this day!

Even though I insult you, I love you.
I adore you. In fact, I love you SOO much,
Except when you're doing what you're doing right now;
Then I only love you soo much!